I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
