Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Send help, water and tortillas.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
