I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
