Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
