You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize