you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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