I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Are my feet made of real feet?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
