but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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