We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
