I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
