I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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