1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
youre lurking in front of me
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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