Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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