Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
