my vag is so smooth its legendary
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
