Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
