Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
