Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
