I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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