I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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