Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
