Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
not ubering you a puppy
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
