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You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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