just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
