I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
