Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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