Just fell off a train. Bad.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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