My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
