the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
