you're like a bully in the Christmas story
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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