I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
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I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
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It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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