I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
