there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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