felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
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I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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