if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
