Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
