All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
