We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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