goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
