just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
