I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
