i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
