remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
