If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
