I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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