you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
