I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
