My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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