you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
