I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
