so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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