you would pick up someone in the library
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
