True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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