And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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