it was like his penis was on wheels.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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