I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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