Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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