i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Randomize
