She said her name was "party"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
