Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
