Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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