At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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