Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
