My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
