Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize