i jhust puked up my retainher.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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