My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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